alexandra; the name originates from greece and means 'protector of mankind' or 'she who comes to save warriors' Cancer. 25 years of age. extremely attached to fred weasley, lily...
i’m sorry that i’m like this i promise you i’m not usually like this i usually ignore everything and leave it in another direction.
i’ll possibly come back after next week or middle of may i’m not sure but i’ll try to figure out something
a break sounds like a very healthy way to proceed. please take the time you need and take care of yourself.
you did however guilt trip and blame a person, implying they were the sole reason for you ending your life. please try to see this through a strangers perspective, it does sound very unhealthy and manipulative. I am very glad you’re contacting your doctor and hopefully you can talk things through with them!
I wish you all the best. Nobody hates you, okay? We want you to feel good, but we also don’t want anyone to feel anxious, or literally cry while they’re at work because they’re scared they’ve hurt you. Your reactions and actions are your responsibility, and I’m happy you’ve taken steps to make sure you can try to get an uppage in your medicine dose.
It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets | 2002 | dir. Chris Columbus
idk what the 20 year anniversary thing is going to be and my expectations are low, but if they release the original scene from ootp when sirius dies and we hear daniel’s scream….. girl that’s gonna be it for me
i am hopeless & i enjoy even the stupidest, most dramatic romance, that’s just who i am tbh, but i will truly never get over how absurd the whole trajectory of edward/bella is. for a million reasons of course, but bella literally ‘loves’ him BECAUSE he’s a vampire, he has a supernatural hold on her, like ‘drugs’, that she NEVER sees past, and as a result of this she doesn’t ever see his faults or hold him accountable for anything. he thinks nothing of her at all, until he becomes obsessed with her because of her blood/not being able to read her mind. if it had been another vampire that pursued her, she would have thought she was irrevocably in love with them too, because beyond this there is NO reason to believe they are soulmates or belong together? like he literally doesn’t get her at all!
and then we have the exact opposite of this with jacob? they see each other as they are, and just adore each other! they have a connection from the beginning and it makes ALL the sense? it’s literally just exactly everything she never had with edward? a warm and deep connection with someone who really understands her, and she can really understand? supports her in what she wants to do and is there to help her? makes her giggle! is warm and affectionate! talks about how his joy is her joy and his pain will always be her pain? and then you actually have her saying things like ‘it felt great to be free” when she sneaks away with jacob ? and that she wants to wrap her arms around him and protect him, but ‘edward’s shielding arms had become restraints’ ?!?!?! edward/bella is questionable on its own, but then to directly contrast it with something so…tender?
and based on what we know about her before edward, loves the sun and heat! , squeamish, hates blood? , doesn’t like expensive/showy things, values her relationships with her family and friends…i was supposed to believe that her destiny is vampirism…with edward…? and not her ‘earthbound sun’?
NO! and despite the messy attempts to push this with a horrible, offensive, inconsistent narrative it’s still a NO! ❤️
i should have put citations when i wrote this rant LOL but bc i’m a loser i will put them now 😭 the sentiment is actually repeated twice!! at the end of new moon on pg. 561
and then again on pg. 83-84 in eclipse!
and then the ‘it felt great to be free’ part on pg. 171 I can’t
I wish Twilight would’ve been a story about Bella escaping the romantic but toxic, cult-like world of the Cullens into the healthy, found-family dynamic of Jacob and the wolf pack. but noooo instead we got a story glorifying misogyny, racism, and abuse
just think about it….the horror of Bella finally waking up and realizing she’s been indoctrinated into vampirism….realizing that edward is actually evil and the cullens’ kindness has been closer to love bombing than actual familial care…..finally escaping before it is too late, and being with Jacob….learning how to be human again……..what we missed out on😔
(i don’t think vampires are inherently evil in concept—this is just a more horror-inspired interpretation of the story!)
I absolutely love this reading and tbh feel that its the ending not only bella deserved but smeyer too (I know I know). I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how often we acknowledge the fact that Bella is smeyers self-insert but we don’t often talk about the implications that has on smeyer and how we can use critical readings of the series to better understand cults.
@fuckmeyer and I talked about this a bit on another post (conveniently can’t find it rn lol): it seems that smeyer was using the twilight world to build to her own confrontation with mormonism and her own indoctrination (most likely subconsciously) but by the end of the series, she was unable to create a satisfying penultimate conflict because she couldn’t really confront her beliefs.
Your point about love bombing is a fantastic one: this is apparently the form of love and affection smeyer is most used to and craves for herself and her self-insert. in new moon, she comes so dangerously close to the realization that that kind of affection isn’t true love and can’t hold a candle to the kind of genuine love and affection that Bella was able to find with Jake and the pack. For smeyer to fully acknowledge that what bella was experiencing with the cullens was more akin to cult indoctrination than love, she would have to acknowledge that LDS is a cult and ultimately, she couldn’t afford such a realization.
Obviously none of this excuses the rampant racism and sexism within the series and smeyer is still in need of some serious accountability. Reading the series with the understanding that the cullens really are a perfect cult allegory though makes me feel for everyone trapped in the LDS snares.
